Growing as a Leader

I'm sitting in front of the computer now, trying to remember some of the things that have gone through my mind today. Many things have passed through that torturous path, although I'm not sure they all escaped unscathed. There were a few that did, but between the time that I thought of them and now, they seem to have escaped the labyrinth somehow. Not entirely a bad thing, it just means I have to ponder more.

The things that do stick with me are about being a leader when I get to the USS NICHOLAS. Up to this point, my job has not been truly that of a leader. Instead it has been more of an administrator. I have had no mentoring from those above me. My previous department heads, who should have mentored me, did not. I would've been better off in some STD filled brothel in Thailand--at least I would've gotten something from that. Not that that is entirely true--I did learn what NOT to do to be a good leader. Actually, I learned what not to do, PERIOD. I've encountered some terribly awful leaders in my time, and I'm trying to to grow and learn from all of my experiences. It would just be nice to finally encounter a good leader to learn something from it.

Right now, I feel as though I'm in a conundrum with my career. I want to move on and do bigger and better things, and I know this is a stepping stone in the process of getting there. It's just that I feel there is so much that could be done in the war that we are currently in, this war on terrorism. And I feel that the Navy has absolutely no mission insofaras this war is concerned. But I'm not comfortable with that. I want to go do something that is meaningful, something that is great for the United States, for us, and for our way of life. Right now, I feel that the Navy has nothing to do--we have no dog in this fight. Instead, we make up these things, such as the FRP, to make it look like we really have a job. I'm sure the Admirals are happy about the tsunamis because they actually gave us something REAL to do. My true feeling is that if Admiral Boordah were still the CNO, or at least were still alive long enough to have finished his tour as CNO, we would not be here today. I feel that a revolt of the admirals is what pushed us to where we are now. They couldn't stand the fact that some of their power was going to be eroded by empowering the sailors to do their jobs. So Boordah had to die. I don't believe he committed suicide, I'll never believe that as long as I live. Someone wanted him gone, and they go rid of him. Coincidentally, the Navy became much more decentralized and power was restored to the ranks of the admirals. Every aspect of Navy life is now micromanaged, and it makes me wonder exactly why. The only thing I can think of is that Boordah was stopped from doing what he wanted to do--give the average sailor enough empowerment to make decisions and make things happens. Had that happened, nothing in this world could've stopped the US Navy save God himself. Instead, we are now living under the micromanagement of our admirals. I don't think it's a coincidence, but who am I?

Anyway, who am I to be thinking these things? I guess I need to just sign of for now before someone from the secret service or NCIS stars knocking on my door ;)